Dakstal by Miranda Martin

Author:Miranda Martin [Martin, Miranda]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-04-12T05:00:00+00:00

15 Dakstal

Pacing the floor of my chambers I try to walk out my anxiety. I have barely slept and I cannot eat.

“Commander, you really should have something to eat,” Rakan says.

“I cannot,” I say, as I have many times already. “You know I cannot.”

“She would want you to eat,” Rakan says, implacable.

I haven’t told him about my feelings for Christa, not even hinted at them. His words come out of nowhere.

“Why would you say that? Who do you mean?” I play stupid.

He gives me a short, disapproving shake of his head. “You know exactly who I am talking about. And I am very positive she would not want you to sit here and starve waiting for her.”

“How do you know?” I ask.

“We have been friends all our lives, Commander Dakstal. Since we were boys. Do you think I have not learned you over the years? Do you think I cannot tell when you are in love?”

“In love?” I scoff. “That seems like a big word for a woman I have known less than a week,” I tell him.

“And yet, the word fits, doesn’t it?” he asks.

I cannot deny it does, but I also do not confirm it.

“You do not need to discuss it,” Rakan tells me. “I have not asked for a reason. I know this all must be very hard on you, worrying about the fate of your species and her at the same time. You have been holding yourself together quite well, considering the circumstances.”

“I do not feel I’ve been holding myself together well at all,” I say. “In fact, I feel that I am slowly falling apart.”

“But you are not.” He pulls out a small loaf of grains and algae. “Here. Please eat.”

I do not want to eat, but I take the loaf from him and bite into it. It reminds me of home, making me nostalgic for a place that I will surely never get to see again.

“Good, very good,” Rakan says.

“I do not know what to do now,” I admit. “I’m feeling lost for so many reasons.”

“I know,” he says, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “But I think all you can do now is wait and try to make the best decisions you can. So far, your decision-making has really proved to be quite valuable, and you have gotten us out of many unsavory situations.”

I do not believe that to be true. My decisions have led to pain and suffering for Christa.

Yes, it may have saved my people, who are all safe now, but at the cost of hurting her. And I am not sure that is a cost I can bear.

As a commander, I know I should be willing to pay any cost for helping my people. But things are different when it comes to Christa. Though I may not have known her long, in such a short time she has become just as important to me as my people are. And I’ve failed her.

“If I had just been standing right there…” I mutter.

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